Saturday, April 3, 2010

How To: Survive a Power Outage

1) Become a pyromaniac. Light everything on fire, that way you can see everything.
2) Find a guitar and your local electrical repairman, and serenade them so that they work faster.
3) Since your microwave will not be in working order, you will not be able to make any food*, so cook** your food* over an open candle or flaming curtain etc***.
4) Play Cranium against foreign people (anyone who is not Canadian) and pwn those n00bs all the way back to europe or brazil on questions such as: "During the Great Depression- did Canadians use Moose to help till the soil on their farms?"****
5) If the power is out after doing all of the things mentioned above... go out into the middle of the street in your underwear carrying one candle. When someone asks what you're doing, tell them the voices in your head said that if you did this someone would make you a hot chocolate.*****
6) Make the person take you back to their house*****, and accept their offerings of hot chocolate.
7) When the power comes back on, go to McDonalds and eat a double cheeseburger.

* Pizza Pops
** The act of preparing food without a microwave, like they did in the 50's and/or stoneages.
*** A woodstove will work too.
**** To really screw them up, tell them that people use deer and beaver packs on their farms to till the soil all the time even today.
***** If you do this in front of your flame engulfed house, the effect of your rouse will be maximized.
****** BE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that they have power at their house.

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