How To: Be a Tourist (inspired by apple and wob)

1) Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to blend in*.
2) Speak loudly in the language of your home country in various crowded places.
3) Speak louder in the language of the country you are currently visiting- everywhere or anywhere you are in earshot of someone who may speak that language. (remember, do not say any actual words in their language- just make up your own words and use the appropriate/inappropriate accent)
4) Buy matching clothes and wear them at the same time**.
5) Always compare your home country to the country you are visiting***.
6) Whilst visiting a tourism capital, you must stand- map open and raised ahead of you- with finger pointed in a westerly direction for over 10 seconds. Or, pull a Joey****.
7) Always listen to Rick*****.

*Ways to do this: Wearing a shirt or pants or underwear that obviously display with large lettering or otherwise bright colours, which country you are actually from. Or, in the same manner of clothing choice, wear the name of the country of which you are in currently- but also wear a hat.
**In public.
***For extra tourist effect, compare loudly (preferrably in a less touristy place) between the countries, and decide that your country does (for example) make better flan.
****Based on the hilarious character Joey Tribiani from the hit television show F.R.I.E.N.D.S- In "The One Where They Go To London" Joey opens a pop up tourist map of London, and proceeds to orient himself by laying it flat on the ground, and standing in the map to see where he is, and where he should go next. You can also call this "going inside the map".
*****Rick Steves. Self explainatory. If not, he's a travel expert who EVERYBODY in europe knows allllll about.